Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Do we find this to be true enough in every situation we have faced? Guess it’s true, otherwise it wouldn’t be a saying. Monday night, I just found out how I’ve played against by my own father. It hurts, really hurts. We always expect our family to be always by our side, supporting us, encouraging us. But something always told me that it wasn’t applicable for me.

My family has been separated for quite some time now (years actually) and it really didn’t bother me much because my parents were better off on their own. I lived with my mom the whole time. It was only four years ago that I started living with my father, who still lived with his parents, by the way. It was nice at first – he was a different dad among all dads. He was cool, young at heart. I guess you could say that we’re on the same wavelength. He was a friend. Eventually, I got tired of it. I have friends, I NEED a father. But that’s something he’s not capable of. He treats me like I’m not his daughter. Needless to say, he doesn’t treat me like a lady! It’s like I’m his guy friend whom he could treat with no respect at all. AT ALL.

He said he always mistreated my brother (my brother is two years older than me). Yes, he did. He wasn’t the best father when we were kids – not even close to good, maybe closer to worst. Until now, he maintains that image for me (obviously). Anyway, because of him mistreating my brother, he’s making up for it now. But it’s gone a little too much that he’s treating him so special and I’m thrown on the sidewalk. He’d cook for him, bring him to places, whatever…but me, oh how I wish he’d do the same. He’d tell me to cook my own food or to take a cab if I needed a ride somewhere. His excuse: I’m an independent person. Given that it’s true, every child needs to feel the love of his father! And I never did. A lot of times I’d rather have a “militar” father than have a dad who doesn’t guide my path to wisdom. At least I know that that kind of father loves me because he’s trying hard to protect me.

The root of all this talk practically sprung out of his hurting words last night. My grandparents and my tita choose me over my brother and that got him mad. He says they have favoritism. I don’t know, but I believe what we do unto others will be done unto us. In the simplest sense, my brother doesn’t treat the people who love him with respect – just as the way my father treats me with no respect. How can we expect people to treat us good when we can’t even do kind deeds? And what’s worse, my father provokes people into feeling worse. My brother was crying last night because he felt mistreated. What my father did? Well, he screamed around the house, sounding off my grandparents, saying, “There’s one person there who has favoritism over grandchildren! That person doesn’t know how to love unconditionally!” That was meant for my grandparent obviously… If he’s a good father or at least in his right state of mind, he would just simply make my brother feel better. But he made him feel worse. How childish, no? He even told my grandmother not to have my jeans washed, that his clothes should go first. Am I competing against him in the household I’m in that he has to bring me down to get himself up?

Wish I could say more. Oh, by the way, my father is a reverend. Hope he would live up to reverence.